Tuesday, January 31, 2012

The Saddest Story You'll See All Day

Condo board inacts breed ban that includes pit bulls. Not unusual. Breed bans don't work but idiots think they do and idiots like to feel safe. So breed bans are as common as idiots. Moving on.... Nick Santino, a struggling soap actor, lived in said condo with Rocco, a pit bull mix he rescued, though according to Nick, Rocco rescued him. The condo board grandfathered Rocco and he was allowed to stay. But that didn't stop Nick's shitty neighbors and the board from constantly harassing Nick about his dog. Eventually, the struggling actor felt he had no choice but to put Rocco down. A few hours later, racked with guilt over betraying his best friend, Nick took his own life.
Good job you bastards. Hope your breed ban makes you feel all warm and fuzzy at night.

Has Maryland Reached a Tipping Point?

It has according to a new poll by the Washington Post.  The number I find interesting is the over 50 crowd is finally coming our way. Which is awesome. Because they vote. And because they vote in overwhelming numbers, they tend to get whatever they want. There's surely a lesson in that. Wonder what that could be.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Hero of the Day

The Virginia Senate pandering, fuckwit, misogynists passed a law today requiring women to undergo an unnecessary and expensive ultrasound before having an abortion. They are not your heroes of the day. So who is? Give it up ladies and gentlemen for Fairfax County's own Janet Howell. You, madame, are a motherfucking hero. Senator Howell recognized the complete, utter bullshit that is SB484 and decided to add a little "gender equity" as she put it. She added an amendment (which the aforementioned pandering fuckwits did not pass). The amendment would have required men to undergo a rectal exam and cardiac stress test if they want penis pills.
Yay Senator Howell.

And, in case you were wondering, the pandering fuckwits aren't done yet.

One presently in the House would end state subsidies for needy women to terminate a gravely troubled pregnancy.
The bill, from Del. Mark Cole, would eliminate that financial support even when a doctor believes an unborn child “would be born with a gross and totally incapacitating physical deformity or mental deficiency.”
Less than $2,800 in public funds was spent last year on 10 abortions that qualified for subsidies.

Friday, January 27, 2012

What I'm Reading

No, this is where I get to write about what I'm reading, not what you're reading. If you got through more than two chapters of Twilight, this is not the post for you. There might be a My Little Pony tumblr you'd enjoy.

Moving on.....

The Innocent, by Taylor Stevens

Damn it's good. I've gotten so tired of formulaic novels. See, there's a big, bad conspiracy. And then there's this unlikely hero. And he saves the day. And gets laid in the process. No character building. Nothing new. I know the bad guys 'cause they're always the same. I know the good guy and he's as interesting and surprising as a mall food court's fried rice.

And then I picked up this book. At an airport, no less. I'd accidentally brought a book I'd already read and cruised the airport book store with little hope of finding anything. So I bought this. I sorta flipped through it. It had some promise. Cults fascinate me in the same way serial killers fascinate me. But good books on either are rare.

Stevens has serious talent as a storyteller. Novelists are everywhere. Storytellers are not. When I find one, it's a beautiful feeling. The characters have depth I rarely see. She takes the time to build them, slowly, without slowing down the pace of the story and that takes some skill. The story is dark but not hopeless and doesn't leave you with that feeling of a needed shower like so many do. She draws you in and constantly surprises you. The heroine, Michael Munroe is complex, violent, intriguing and inviting. She's the friend you want when you need not just someone to help you hide the body, but a friend to plan the attack. Child-kidnapping is a subject that doesn't often make for a thrill ride. It is, in and of itself, too horrible an idea for entertainment. And yet, Stevens makes it work. The cult, The Chosen, is clearly not some fantastic caricature conjured for an easy straw man. That it's so believable makes it all the more terrifying as the villain.

I'm not going to tell you the story. Buy the book. You won't put it down and when you finish it, you'll do exactly as I did and go buy the rest of her books.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

How to Maximize Your Tax Refund the Spitballer Way

Tax Time!!!

Have some old tax forms laying around? What the fuck is wrong with you? You save old movie tickets too don't you? Toss that shit. Now log onto your tax filing rip-off site of choice. Oh, you bought the software? Fucking moron.

Moving on: Find your W-2s. They're in one of those mail piles. Probably the pile on the dining room table where you stash the really important mail. If not, they're in the bathroom under the Crate and Barrel catalog.
While you're at the dining room table clear off a space to work. The dishes go in the sink for your roommate to wash. Jesus people. We're gonna need some booze. I recommend Jim Beam Rye, neat. Any vodka will do nicely as well. Set that down by your laptop and let's get started on some taxes. You pumped? Me neither.

Alright then, find a blank piece of paper. The back of an envelope will do.